"People Want to Hear About How F**ed-Up You Were So They feel OK About Themselves"
I love documentaries. This past weekend I happened upon The Weight of Gold on Amazon Prime. While the individual stories in the film are compelling for anyone, I specifically recommend this for anyone struggling with what they want to do, who they are or simply for people who have challenges with how they think.
Narrated by and including celebrated Olympian, Michael Phelps, I assumed it was stories about how hard Olympians train. It turns out that was only part of the much larger story of the psychological toll a single-minded pursuit can have on a person. The film is compelling because it is about people known for world class discipline, internal strength and focus. People you do not think of as struggling.
The Weight of Gold is a series of interviews and discussions with Olympic athletes who have competed at the very highest level, won medals and then, with their careers over, fell into depression over “who they are.” Several thought about suicide and several actually ended their lives.
The message I took away and wanted to share, once again here, is that everyone struggles. That is a main theme in my book, I’d Rather Kill Myself than Be a Lawyer: How Anyone Can Find Happiness.
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To that end, if I have learned anything in the short two weeks since I published the book, it’s that people are drawn to other peoples’ struggles. It gives them comfort to know they are not alone.
As my cousin Jim said to me after reading my book,
“I loved almost all of the book, except the lessons. You lost me a little bit there. Just tell the story. People want to hear about how fucked up you were so they feel ok about themselves.”
I suppose it is more interesting to hear how I crouched behind a car on Vanderbilt and 42nd street, poked out my head and was ready to leap in front of speeding truck or to hear what the pills felt like going down my throat or how I had to check out and check in razors to shave in the psyche ward. I understand. It is good reading.
That said, every now and then, bringing it back to the lesson is important. In fact, it actually achieves exactly what Jim wants to read about- how your own personal brand of fucked up the same as someone like Michael Phelps.
I’m a good example. While just an ordinary person, that disastrous part of my life was the result of the psychological toll a single-minded pursuit had on a person. Sound familiar? Sound like the beginning of this post? It does to me and it definitely gave me some additional perspective on how we all struggle.
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None of us are alone in how we feel. When we can understand that and stop being so hard on ourselves, an amazing thing begins to happen: your happiness begins to emerge, you feel like yourself, and good things then follow.
You are your best when you are your happiest.