I Didn't See That Coming

Wednesday morning, after the book went live, I sat at my desk ready to get to work at my actual job. The book was out and it was now time to work. Often, over the past eight or so years that is how I started my day… I would wake up early, work a little on the book and then start my job.

But this was not like every other day.

Imagine having this private, often dark story you wanted to share, but you were not sure how your family, friends and anyone else would react. Now Imagine the secret is out and your three children each text to tell you they love you and congratulate you and your spouse hugs you This is despite the fact that the event likely has a degree of embarrassment for them for them, as it would for anyone. FYI- this is my own insecurity and speculation- they have never made me feel that way They have only been supportive.

Now imagine further that you exposed this secret and not only were people’s reactions resoundingly positive, it seems they were waiting for someone to tell a story like yours. They were texting and calling to talk about their respective experiences.

Suddenly I was overwhelmed. I just sat at my desk.  Then, just like that…

…I started to cry.

I was surprised as I do not cry often and I was not expecting it.

Why did that happen? It is because I was unburdened for the first time since I was a kid. I told my story and could no longer control who knew it. I felt empowered. I was going continue the journey, speak, help people and do something I felt like I was supposed to do.

I cried at that very moment in my life because at that moment I was experiencing the truest, purest form of my own happiness. At that very moment nothing was covering it up. I experienced great happiness often in the last few years but never cried over it. A weight had been lifted.

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Now I know there are folks who think this is all silly. I am certain there are people who know me or knew me who think the whole thing is the self-indulgent musings of someone who grew up privileged and did not have real problems.

I can hear them now:

“Waaaah. His daddy made him go to law school. Waaaah, he didn’t like his job. Waaaahh, he took a bunch of pills and tired to kill himself. Too bad he couldnt finsih the job. Waaaaaah he admitted he cried. Get over yourself snowflake.”

Perhaps they are right (except about killing part). Nonetheless, the exercise allowed me to express something, without hurting anyone, that went a long way towards uncovering my happiness. That is what the book is about.

Living your truest, most genuine life so that you can live your happiest life.

So if I never have the opportunity to speak to people regularly, which is my goal, or people tell me they did not like the book or it otherwise turns into nothing more than what it is, I will remain happy. Those things, if they happen, would bring me joy but they would not make me happy. I am happy and I hope discussing my journey helps you feel your fullest happiness as well.