It Is Not F*&ing Brave To Be Happy

I am surprised at the number of people who reached out after I posted I was writing the book. Many people talked about how they had struggled themselves so I am glad it spoke to them.  I guess I was not prepared for that.

I also had not thought about how people would tell me I am brave to be open.

I know the latter is meant in the most positive way and I truly appreciate the fact that those who said it meant it in the most complimentary way. I love you for that.

But I disagree.  It is not brave. Furthermore, this is not meant as a “humble brag”

Here is my story:

·       I had a prior struggle

·       It took me down a new life path

·       The path was rocky

·       I learned a lot and now have a great, happy life

·       I want to share it and maybe help other people

How is that brave?  Brave to say I figured out how to be happy?

I’d like it to be inspiring or motivational but not brave.  Saying it is brave is saying to anyone who had or has a psyche event or issue might be better off hiding it.

The problem is that my 25 years ago melt down was related to the psychological.  There is a stigma around anything even remotely psychological.  That sucks.

I recently ran into someone in town. Someone I like very much. They congratulated me on the book.  They then hesitated and asked, “why did you write it?” as if to indicate I maybe should have been embarrassed. Suddenly, for a moment I did felt like, “Maybe I shouldn’t have written the book …”  Then I got over it and wrote this post.

There are many folks who believe that someone who struggled or currently struggles at all with their thinking is defective, a snowflake or worse, just making it up and should be embarrassed by it.  

My book is not about psych issues. It is about happiness and how our thoughts can either allow to feel happy or they can obscure them.  It is about how the right combination of things (meditation, perspective, affirmations, introspection and, yes, often times, medication) can change your life.

How am I fucking brave to talk about it?

We need to stop viewing people who deal with the psychological as being defective and should hide it.  Furthermore, we need to stop trying to explain away how they are feeling.

I cannot tell you the number of times in my life, when I was in a tough period, I was told to breath, smile or that my life is good because that would magically make me feel better.

Because your brain is not in a cast or a sling, people assume you are just “in a bad mood” and that “you’ll get over it.”   That is because they do not consider it a “real” affliction.

Would you ever tell someone with cancer to “shake it off?”  Would you someone with debilitating arthritis, “hey, come on, your life is good?”  I am certain if you did the answer you would rightfully receive would sound a lot like “fuck you.”

Consider the following:

Increased stress levels or depression are based on the way we process information, whether it’s genetics, how we are raised or a combination.

Fortunately, in many cases, medication for these things works very well to even out their moods and allow them to overcome these issues.

WAIT!!!  … STOP!!!

That sounds really familiar to what happens to a person when they aren’t feeling well or are sick.   Let’s make sure we have this straight…

1)     There is something wrong with a person’s body.

2)     It happens to be related to their brain, which, the last time I checked is in the body.

3)     Medicine makes them feel better.

Based on that premise I can totally see why people think I am so brave and should be embarrassed by my past.

* A humble brag- A humble brag, I have been informed, is saying something to look humble but actually doing it to brag. They believe saying I am not brave is a humble brag.  If this post comes across that way and you wish to think me not humble yet brave, have at it.

But that’s not what this is.